London Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced plans to introduce a new carbon tax on joggers, citing concerns over the environmental impact of their heavy breathing.
“We simply can’t ignore the carbon footprint of all that huffing and puffing,” declared Khan, who seems determined to leave no aspect of Londoners’ lives untaxed. “It’s time we held joggers accountable for their excessive exhalations.”
Under the proposed scheme, joggers would be required to purchase a special “carbon offset license” before hitting the pavement. The cost of the license would be determined by factors such as distance run, speed, and lung capacity, with violators facing hefty fines for jogging without proper documentation.
Critics of the plan have slammed it as yet another example of Khan’s overreach, arguing that taxing joggers will only discourage physical fitness and erode personal freedoms.
“This is nanny stateism run amok,” exclaimed one outraged resident. “What’s next, a tax on breathing?”
But Khan remains undeterred, insisting that London must lead the way in the fight against climate change, even if it means squeezing every last drop of sweat from its fitness enthusiasts.
“Every huff and puff adds to our carbon footprint,” he declared. “It’s time joggers paid their fair share.”
As London braces for the rollout of the controversial carbon tax, joggers are left wondering if they’ll soon be running on empty – both in terms of energy and bank accounts. But hey, at least they’ll be saving the planet, one taxed step at a time.
