The Army proudly introduced its latest innovation: Pride-themed headwear designed to promote diversity on the battlefield. Because nothing says “stealth mission” quite like a rainbow beret.

The eye-catching headgear, adorned with vibrant Pride colors, is part of the military’s bold initiative to ensure that soldiers not only feel protected by body armor but also feel seen and heard in matters of personal expression.

“Our enemies won’t know what hit them when they witness our dazzling display of diversity,” exclaimed one Army spokesperson, presumably with a straight face.

The Pride-themed headwear, which includes options ranging from camouflage-inspired rainbow patterns to berets with glitter detailing, is hailed as a symbol of progress in the military’s commitment to inclusivity. After all, what says “we mean business” more than a glitter-infused combat cap?

Soldiers are reportedly thrilled about the new fashion-forward approach to combat attire. “I used to worry about blending into my surroundings,” said one soldier, adjusting his sequined combat boots. “Now, I can focus on standing out for all the right reasons.”

The military hopes that the Pride headwear will not only boost morale but also send a powerful message to potential adversaries: “Mess with us, and you’re messing with the entire spectrum of diversity!”

Critics argue that in the pursuit of inclusivity, the military might be sacrificing the element of surprise. “It’s hard to sneak up on the enemy when your headwear is visible from a mile away,” remarked one skeptical analyst.

As the Army marches boldly into this new era of diversity, soldiers are left to grapple with the age-old question: Can you really call it a stealth mission if you’re bedazzled from head to toe?