Sadiq Khan, the Mayor of London, has come under fire for allegedly silencing scientists who dared to question the efficacy of his Ultra Low Emission Zone (ULEZ) policies. The accusations have raised eyebrows, as Khan seemingly continues to embrace The Science™ when it aligns with his agenda, while conveniently sidelining actual scientists who might throw a spanner in the works.

Reports suggest that several scientists who expressed concerns about the actual impact of ULEZ on air quality and congestion were met with a resounding “Shh!” from Khan’s office. It appears that dissenting views are as welcome as a rain-soaked commute on a Monday morning.

When confronted about these allegations, Khan responded by waving his hand dismissively and saying, “My dear fellow citizens, let’s not get bogged down by the opinions of mere experts. The Science™ tells us what we need to know, and I am its humble servant.” It’s rumored that Khan has even considered changing his Twitter handle to “@SadiqKhan-TheScienceWhisperer.”

In a bold move, Khan has taken to quoting The Science™ in daily conversations. Whether discussing traffic management or the optimal jam-to-cream ratio on scones, his catchphrase seems to be, “Trust The Science™!” Meanwhile, actual scientists, who have dedicated their lives to rigorous research and analysis, are left scratching their heads and wondering why they bothered with all that pesky peer review.

Critics of Khan’s approach suggest that cherry-picking The Science™ to suit one’s political agenda is like wearing a lab coat to a cocktail party — it might make you look official, but it doesn’t necessarily mean you know what you’re talking about.

As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: In the world of Sadiq Khan, The Science™ reigns supreme, and actual scientists might as well pack up their beakers and head to the pub for a pint of scepticism. After all, it’s hard to argue with The Science™, even if you’re an actual scientist.