The United Nations has boldly declared that when a comet strikes Earth, black people will be the worst affected. Move over, chickens; it’s now the era of Homo sapiens vulnerability.

During a press conference that left journalists nervously checking the skies, the UN spokesperson gravely stated, “Our exhaustive research has uncovered a sobering truth: in the calamitous event of a comet colliding with Earth, it appears that black people will bear the brunt of the celestial catastrophe.”

The UN’s Human Havoc Preparedness Plan reportedly includes instructions on constructing personal comet-proof bunkers, mandatory “duck and cover” drills for the populace, and an international ban on “why did the black person cross the road” jokes to maintain a semblance of dignity in these dire times.

Critics are questioning whether the UN should focus on more pressing issues, like addressing global inequality or promoting interstellar diplomacy. “I thought the UN was about fostering cooperation, not predicting doomsday scenarios,” commented one bewildered observer.

Conspiracy theorists, never ones to miss an opportunity, have suggested that this revelation is a diversion from real cosmic concerns.

As the world grapples with the unnerving news that humans are apparently Earth’s top cosmic casualties, sales of personal comet-proof bunkers are soaring, and existential philosophers are enjoying a resurgence in popularity.

In the midst of the cosmic chaos, one thing is for certain: when the stardust settles, the world will never look at humanity—or comets—the same way again.