Yale University has officially classified the October 7th Hamas Pogrom as “a mostly peaceful genocide.” The move has left many scratching their heads, wondering if the esteemed institution has taken a course in Orwellian Newspeak 101.
The decision to label a pogrom, historically associated with violent attacks on ethnic or religious groups, as “mostly peaceful” has raised eyebrows even among the most seasoned practitioners of doublethink.
Yale’s spokesperson, in an attempt to clarify the matter, explained, “We believe in presenting a balanced view of historical events. Sure, there were a few bumps in the genocide road, but let’s not overshadow the mostly peaceful intentions behind it.”
The campus will reportedly commemorate the event with a lecture series titled “Genocides Through Rose-Colored Glasses,” featuring guest speakers who specialize in the art of downplaying historical atrocities.
Critics argue that Yale’s move is not only a disservice to history but also a dangerous precedent in rewriting the narrative of violent events. “What’s next? A ‘mostly peaceful’ invasion?” quipped one observer.
In the spirit of intellectual diversity, Yale plans to introduce a new major: Revisionist Apology Studies. The curriculum will explore how to sugarcoat even the most egregious acts, leaving students with the skills to turn any war crime into a mere hiccup in the grand march of history.
As October 7th approaches, Yale’s campus is gearing up for a “mostly peaceful” commemoration, complete with euphemistic speeches and a ceremonial rewriting of the history books. Because at Yale, why call it a pogrom when you can call it a peaceful population persuasion campaign?
