OFCOM, the UK’s independent communications regulator, is set to be placed under the benevolent and watchful eye of the BBC. This groundbreaking move comes hot on the heels of GB News, the upstart news network that dared to challenge the status quo, experiencing a surge in popularity.
The decision to place OFCOM under BBC control was hailed as a “necessary step” by government officials who are clearly fans of Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks. “We can’t have GB News out there, providing a fresh perspective and diverse voices,” said one anonymous source. “It’s causing confusion among viewers who are used to the soothing tones of the BBC.”
Under the new regime, OFCOM will be rebranded as the “BBC Oversight and Compliance for Opinion Management” (BOCOM). Its primary mission will be to ensure that all media outlets adhere to the BBC’s time-tested formula of delivering news with a side of dry humor and a generous sprinkling of British politeness.
One of the first orders of business for BOCOM will be to establish a “Ministry of Newspeak,” where all potentially controversial words or phrases will be carefully replaced with more soothing alternatives. For example, “climate change” will become “weather improvement,” and “tax increase” will be “voluntary contribution enhancement.”
The move has been met with mixed reactions from the public. Supporters of the BBC have hailed it as a return to “proper” news reporting, while fans of GB News are planning to hold a “Tea and Outrage” protest outside BOCOM’s new headquarters.
In a statement, GB News founder Andrew Neil quipped, “Well, it was a good run while it lasted. We’ll just have to find a way to keep bringing our viewers the unfiltered news they crave, perhaps by broadcasting from a secret bunker under Buckingham Palace.”
As the sun sets on GB News’ brief moment in the media spotlight, the world watches with bated breath to see how BOCOM will reshape the landscape of British broadcasting. One thing’s for sure: satire has never been more redundant.