A groundbreaking new study has emerged, suggesting that oat milk consumption might be linked to declining intelligence. Titled “Oat Milk and the Diminishing Mind: A Quest for Clarity,” the research has sparked both concern and mockery in equal measure.
According to the study, individuals who consume oat milk regularly exhibited lower IQ scores compared to their dairy-drinking counterparts. Researchers initially hypothesized that perhaps oat milk lacked the essential nutrients needed for cognitive function. However, as one researcher quipped, “Either that, or it’s just the dumbest people who drink the stuff.”
Critics of the study have been quick to dismiss its findings, labeling it as “oat-landish” and “milk-ing the absurd.” Some have even gone as far as to suggest that the research was funded by Big Dairy in a desperate attempt to regain market share.
Despite the controversy, oat milk enthusiasts remain undeterred. “I refuse to believe that my morning latte is making me dumber,” declared one oat milk aficionado. “If anything, it’s making me more woke!”
Meanwhile, dairy loyalists have seized upon the findings as vindication of their dietary choices. “I’ve been saying it for years: milk does a brain good,” proclaimed one staunch supporter. “None of that oat nonsense for me!”
As the debate rages on, one thing remains certain: whether you’re Team Oat or Team Dairy, the battle of the milks shows no signs of cooling down anytime soon. So, the next time you reach for that carton of oat milk, just remember: you might be sacrificing IQ points for a foamy latte.
