The BBC has officially placed straight white men on the endangered species list, sparking a wave of controversy and amusement across the nation. This groundbreaking decision, announced in a primetime special, comes with the assurance that their days are numbered—except, of course, for the venerable Sir David Attenborough, who remains gloriously untouchable.

The BBC’s latest initiative, dubbed “Save the Straight White Male,” aims to raise awareness about the so-called dwindling population of this demographic within its own programming. The campaign features heartwarming footage of straight white men in their natural habitats: office boardrooms, golf courses, and classic car shows, narrated with Attenborough’s signature gravitas.

“Look at this rare specimen,” whispers Attenborough over footage of a middle-aged man in a suit holding a cup of coffee. “Once the dominant force in British media, now relegated to the fringes of society, unless, of course, they are national treasures like myself.”

BBC executives have promised to take drastic measures to ensure the survival of this endangered group. This includes special quotas, designated safe spaces in BBC offices, and a new mentoring program where veteran straight white men can pass down their skills to the younger, equally endangered generation.

“Some might call this a reverse affirmative action,” said one BBC spokesperson, “but we prefer to think of it as preserving a vital part of our cultural heritage—much like we do with ancient monuments or classic episodes of ‘Doctor Who.'”

The announcement has been met with mixed reactions. Supporters laud the BBC for its progressive take on diversity, pointing out that straight white men have faced the brunt of jokes and criticism in recent years. Critics, however, argue that this is yet another example of pandering to a vocal minority, questioning whether the BBC has truly lost its way.

“What’s next? A breeding program?” quipped one social media user. “Will we see David Attenborough hosting ‘Planet Earth: Straight White Men Edition’?”

In an ironic twist, Attenborough himself seems to be enjoying the spectacle. “I’ve always known I was a bit of an anomaly,” he chuckled in an interview. “But to be the last of a dying breed? Now that’s truly something special.”

As the BBC navigates this new era of conservation, one thing is clear: Sir David Attenborough’s place in the world remains as secure as ever. His unparalleled ability to captivate audiences with tales of the natural world, coupled with his now iconic status, ensures that he will remain untouchable—perhaps the ultimate symbol of straight white male resilience.

So, for those keeping count, it appears that the endangered species list just got a bit more crowded. But fear not, for as long as there are documentaries to be narrated and curious creatures to be discovered, Sir David Attenborough will continue to reign supreme, a beacon of hope for straight white men everywhere.