A local coroner’s office has released a scathing report claiming that a funeral home in Norfolk “reeks of pale stale male privilege among those buried.” This damning document has sent shockwaves through the community and ignited a fiery debate on social media.

The report, compiled after a thorough investigation by the esteemed Coroner Inspectorate, suggests that the funeral home has been a breeding ground for the most offensive kind of male privilege. The alleged odour of privilege is said to permeate the halls, enveloping mourners and deceased alike in a suffocating cloud of entitlement.

“It is with grave concern that we present the findings of our investigation,” stated Coroner Inspector Penelope Featherington, trying to suppress a wry smile. “Our team has detected an overwhelming presence of pale stale male privilege, which lingers within the funeral home like a spectre haunting the bereaved.”

The report goes on to describe the various indicators of male privilege found within the establishment, including discreet nods to the patriarchy in the form of dark mahogany furnishings, subtly imposing portraits of distinguished gentlemen, and an excessive abundance of monogrammed handkerchiefs.

“From the moment one sets foot in the premises, the pervasive air of entitlement is palpable,” the report claims. “It’s as if the souls of departed gentlemen are united in a chorus of privilege, reminding visitors of their societal standing even in death.”

Furthermore, the report highlights instances where staff members have allegedly perpetuated systemic male privilege. Testimonies from former employees describe a work environment where women’s ideas are brushed aside, interrupted, or attributed to male colleagues. The stench of male chauvinism is said to have permeated every interaction, like the lingering aroma of an outdated cologne.

Unsurprisingly, reactions to the report have been polarised. Supporters argue that the investigation has shone a much-needed light on the deeply ingrained inequalities that persist even in the realm of funeral services. Meanwhile, critics question the validity of such claims, decrying the report as a mere attempt to advance a radical feminist agenda.

Local feminist group “The Daughters of Equality” has seized the opportunity to rally behind the findings. They are planning a protest outside the funeral home, armed with banners proclaiming “Burial Bias Be Gone” and “Equality for the Departed.” Their demands include mandatory gender sensitivity training for funeral home staff and the immediate removal of any item that might be construed as a symbol of male privilege.

The funeral home in question, while declining to comment on the specifics of the report, did release a statement expressing their commitment to inclusivity. “We value every person who walks through our doors, regardless of gender, race, or social standing,” the statement read. “We remain dedicated to providing a safe and respectful environment for all mourners and will take any necessary steps to address any concerns raised.”

As the debate rages on, one thing is certain—this report has brought issues of privilege and equality into an unexpected realm. Only time will tell if this wake-up call leads to lasting change within the funeral industry or fades away like a fleeting spirit in the night.