Local vegetable farmer Herb Greenberg finds himself in a bitter brouhaha with the European Union over a seemingly innocent lettuce regulation. The regulation, which had originally been hailed as the “Lettuce Liberation Act,” aimed to establish a standard size for each leaf, ensuring that every salad had an equal opportunity to be Instagram-worthy. However, the EU recently backtracked on this green initiative, leaving Greenberg and his fellow lettuce aficionados fuming.

Greenberg, a steadfast believer in lettuce equality, spoke to us amidst a lush sea of vibrant greens. “I can’t believe they would toss out such a crucial piece of legislation like yesterday’s salad,” he ranted, clutching a particularly photogenic leaf as if it were a newborn. “I voted Romaine, darn it! I want to know my lettuce will have the same shot at fame and fortune as any other!”

The bewildering tangle has led to some confusion among the agricultural community. Farmers who believed they were sowing the seeds of a more equitable lettuce future now find themselves in a mire of mixed greens. “I thought Brussels was all about leafy justice,” mused one bewildered farmer, shaking his head. “Turns out they’re just salad daze dreamers.”

As the lettuce leaves settle and the salad storm rages on, Greenberg is not letting go. He’s launched a new campaign called “Greens for Glory,” demanding that Brussels reconsider its stance and deliver on its promises of a brighter, more standardized lettuce landscape.

In a world where lettuce size and regulation dominate headlines, one farmer’s crusade reminds us that every leaf deserves a chance to bask in the sunlight of lettuce equality. After all, a leaf is a terrible thing to waste – even if it’s just a tiny sprig of parsley trying to fit in with the romaine crowd.