Nigel Farage has achieved what seemed impossible: putting an end to small boats reaching the shores of the “Celebrity Jungle.” The former UKIP leader turned media personality reportedly used his sheer force of will, a pint of bitter, and a stern glare to dissuade the vessels from completing their perilous journey.

Eyewitnesses claim that as soon as Farage caught wind of the small boats heading towards the Celebrity Jungle, he donned his most patriotic waistcoat, clutched a Union Jack, and set out on a rowboat to meet them head-on.

“It was like watching a maritime superhero in action,” said one spectator. “He just stood there, pint in hand, and the boats turned back as if they’d encountered an impenetrable force field of British resolve.”

The Celebrity Jungle, known for its treacherous challenges and exotic critters, was apparently deemed unfit for the arrival of these boats by Farage. Sources close to him suggest that he’s considering renaming the location to something more fitting, like “Patriot’s Peninsula.”

Critics argue that Farage’s intervention raises questions about his jurisdiction over Australian reality TV show locations. However, supporters applaud his swift action, commending him for safeguarding the sanctity of the Celebrity Jungle from the invasion of undocumented contestants.

As the news of Farage’s triumph spreads, some are already calling for him to extend his reach to other reality shows, with rumors circulating that he’s been spotted eyeing the next season of “Love Island” through a pair of binoculars.

Regardless of one’s political leanings, it’s hard to deny that Farage’s ability to deter small boats is a testament to the enduring power of British bravado – even in the uncharted territories of reality TV.