The once-terrifying “climate emergency” flooding in the town has come to a sudden halt. The secret behind this stunning resolution? The local council finally decided to unblock the drains that had apparently been holding back the mighty forces of Mother Nature.
Residents, who were starting to wonder if building an ark was the next logical step, are now breathing sighs of relief as water levels recede. The council’s revelation that the drains were the real culprits behind the “unprecedented” flooding has left many scratching their heads.
“We were all set to blame carbon emissions and our addiction to plastic straws, but turns out, it was just some leaves clogging up the drains,” chuckled one local resident, adjusting his foil hat that he had prepared for surviving the impending climate apocalypse.
The town, which had declared a “climate emergency” just last week, is now considering changing its status to “weathering an unfortunate drainage situation.” Climate activists who had gathered to march against climate change are now awkwardly shifting their focus to promoting drain-friendly foliage.
“It’s amazing what a bit of maintenance can do,” said the head of the local council, who is now being hailed as the hero who battled the climate emergency with a trusty plunger.
In a groundbreaking move, the council plans to launch a new awareness campaign called “Drain the Swamp, Not the Planet,” advocating for regular drain checks and occasional leaf-blowing to avoid future climate emergencies.
While climate change activists are reevaluating their protest signs, the rest of the town is simply relieved that they can finally put away their inflatable dinghies and return to worrying about more traditional British weather problems – like complaining about the lack of sun.
As the sun begins to shine on the now-dry streets, the town can rest easy, knowing that their heroic council is standing guard, ready to tackle any climate emergency that may arise from a clogged gutter or a particularly stubborn weed.
