A weary Londoner is reportedly contemplating seeking asylum abroad to escape the burgeoning influx of asylum seekers in the city. The resident, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of being accused of cultural insensitivity, is said to be eyeing idyllic destinations that are blissfully free from the chaos of their current metropolis.

London, once renowned for its iconic red buses, double-decker chaos, and a Big Ben that can’t seem to keep time, has now become a hotbed for those seeking asylum from various corners of the globe. The overwhelmed Londoner, feeling like a stranger in their own city, is contemplating a strategic relocation to reclaim some of that ever-elusive tranquility.

“I used to just complain about the weather and the Tube strikes, but now it’s all this talk about international affairs, border policies, and cultural exchange,” the weary resident lamented. “I miss the good old days when my biggest concern was whether I’d catch the last train home.”

The prospective asylum seeker has reportedly created a shortlist of nations that, in their estimation, lack the allure for asylum seekers and thus would offer a reprieve from the crowds of hopeful newcomers. These destinations apparently boast a dearth of bureaucracy, low refugee appeal, and a notable absence of grand statues that serve as irresistible beacons for those seeking sanctuary.

Local authorities seem unfazed by the potential emigration of a disgruntled resident. “It’s a free world, and everyone is entitled to find a place where they feel more at home,” said one city official with a subtle smirk.

As the Londoner contemplates their asylum-seeking options, one can’t help but wonder if, in the pursuit of respite, they’ll stumble upon a hidden utopia untouched by the complexities of global migration. Until then, London remains a melting pot, with aspirations of both residents and asylum seekers simmering in the city’s lively streets.