Buckingham Palace has unveiled its latest tactic to dispel any concerns about the health of Kate Middleton: a waxwork dummy joyriding in a Land Rover.
Amidst recent speculations and hushed whispers about the well-being of the Duchess of Cambridge, the palace has decided to take the unconventional route of putting a faux Kate behind the wheel of a Land Rover and parading her around the posh neighborhoods of London.
“We thought, what better way to show the world that everything is just jolly good than to have a totally not-real Kate Middleton cruising around town?” said a palace spokesperson with an eerily straight face. “No need to worry, folks. It’s all just a bit of wax and wheels.”
The faux Kate will be expertly chauffeured around, waving regally and maintaining a perpetually unchanging smile. Palace insiders say this is the most foolproof plan to quell any health-related rumors and provide the public with the assurance that the Duchess is, in fact, not made of wax.
“It’s like a real-life Madame Tussauds exhibit but on wheels,” chuckled a royal insider. “Who needs doctors when you’ve got the uncanny ability to make lifelike wax figures?”
The Land Rover escapade is set to become a regular spectacle, with the palace promising a royal drive-by at least once a week. “It’s the perfect solution,” the spokesperson continued. “No more pesky questions, just a serene, unblinking Kate riding shotgun.”
As the waxwork Kate embarks on her weekly spin, the Palace hopes the public will be so dazzled by the spectacle that any concerns about real-world health will be lost in the whirlwind of synthetic regality. After all, when in doubt, just roll out the waxwork and hit the gas.
