The government has announced that red meat eaters will be placed on the official terror watch list. The decision, justified by environmental concerns, has sparked outrage among steak enthusiasts who feel they’re being unfairly skewered.
“We’ve got a beef with their eco vandalism,” declared the government spokesperson, brandishing a carrot in one hand and a climate change report in the other. “Their reckless consumption of red meat is terrorizing the environment, one juicy steak at a time.”
The move comes as part of the government’s aggressive campaign to combat climate change, with red meat consumption singled out as a leading contributor to greenhouse gas emissions. From ribeye rebels to sirloin saboteurs, anyone caught indulging in a juicy steak or sizzling burger will now find themselves under the watchful eye of Big Brother.
“We must protect our planet from the carnivorous calamity,” proclaimed the Minister of Climate Control, sporting a lettuce leaf lapel pin. “It’s time to grill the guilty and put an end to their meaty mischief.”
However, critics argue that placing red meat eaters on the terror watch list is a prime cut of government overreach. “This is utter baloney!” exclaimed one outraged carnivore, clutching a T-bone steak like a shield. “First they came for our beef, next they’ll be coming for our bacon. It’s a slippery slope to a world without burgers!”
As red meat lovers stew over their newfound status as environmental enemies, vegetarians and vegans are celebrating the government’s bold stance on meat consumption. “Finally, our plant-based prayers have been answered,” said one tofu enthusiast, raising a kale smoothie in salute.
In the midst of the meaty mayhem, one thing is clear: the battle between carnivores and environmentalists is heating up faster than a searing steak on a summer grill. Will red meat eaters be able to sizzle in peace, or will they be forever relegated to the government’s list of dietary dissidents? Only time will tell in this beefy battle for the ages.
