In a twist that has left the nation reeling, civil servants have come forward with a shocking accusation against none other than Home Secretary Suella Braverman. It appears that Braverman, the esteemed guardian of law and order, has been engaged in a bathroom-related controversy of epic proportions – hanging toilet paper in the dreaded “under” position, instead of the universally accepted “over” position.

This scandal, dubbed by mainstream media as “the most momentous geopolitical scandal since Boris Johnson ate a slice of cake at work,” has ignited a firestorm of debate and consternation across the country. The accusation has thrown the corridors of power into chaos, with civil servants expressing disbelief and outrage at such a flagrant violation of bathroom etiquette.

The “over” versus “under” toilet paper debate is a contentious one, with proponents on both sides staunchly defending their positions. Those who advocate for the “over” method argue that it provides easy access and a smooth unrolling experience. Meanwhile, proponents of the “under” position argue that it prevents the excessive unspooling of toilet paper and reduces the risk of accidental wastage. The debate has raged on for years, but the revelation of Braverman’s alleged transgression has catapulted it into the national spotlight.

Whistleblowers within the civil service claim that Braverman’s actions are not only an affront to proper bathroom decorum but also indicative of a deeper problem within the government. Some suggest that if a senior figure like the Home Secretary can so brazenly flout such a basic norm, what other, more significant breaches of protocol might be taking place behind closed doors?

The mainstream media has pounced on the story, fueling the flames of scandal with sensational headlines and extensive coverage. News outlets have reported on civil servants’ reactions, with quotes ranging from incredulity to righteous indignation. The sheer audacity of Braverman’s alleged offense has sparked a wave of memes and social media chatter, further amplifying the scandal.

As the accusations continue to swirl, the public eagerly awaits an official response from the Home Secretary herself. Will Braverman offer a sincere apology and promise to rectify her toilet paper hanging methods? Or will she defiantly defend her “under” position, claiming it as a personal preference?

Whatever the outcome, one thing is certain – this toilet paper scandal has thrust the mundane world of bathroom etiquette into the realm of high-stakes politics. Only time will tell how this controversy will unfold and whether it will have any lasting impact on the credibility and authority of the Home Secretary. One thing is for sure – the nation will be watching, toilet paper rolls at the ready.