In a twist that has left many scratching their heads and liberal hearts sinking, one local activist has found himself in a state of existential despair. The cause of his distress? The realization that even after the Tories are hypothetically out of power come July 4th, things might still be, well, terrible.
“I’m not sure how to cope,” confessed Nigel Armchair, a self-proclaimed champion of progressive values and part-time Twitter warrior. “For years, I’ve had a clear target for my frustration and cleverly worded social media posts. But what if, after July 4th, I can’t blame the Tories anymore and things are still a mess?”
Nigel, known for his relentless stream of anti-Tory memes and biting commentary, is now facing a personal crisis of sorts. His favourite pastime of blaming every societal woe on the Conservative Party might soon be rendered obsolete.
“I mean, what am I supposed to do if there are still potholes, the trains are still late, and housing is still unaffordable?” Nigel pondered aloud, staring into his soy latte. “Blame the new government? That’s not nearly as satisfying.”
Political pundits have noted a ripple of similar sentiments among Nigel’s peers, who are suddenly confronted with the daunting task of finding new scapegoats should their long-standing nemesis be dethroned.
Meanwhile, in an effort to prepare for this potential political upheaval, Nigel has begun exploring alternative outlets for his indignation. “I’m considering shifting my focus to climate change denialists or perhaps the ever-reliable villainy of multinational corporations,” he mused. “But it’s just not the same as a good old-fashioned Tory bashing.”
In the streets, pubs, and cozy living rooms across the nation, a quiet panic sets in among those who have long thrived on the clear-cut dichotomy of us versus them. The impending July 4th date looms large, and the question remains: what if everything is still terrible?
As the political landscape braces for potential shifts, Nigel and his like-minded comrades must confront the possibility that their beloved bogeymen might be replaced with… well, an unsatisfying reality.
Stay tuned as we navigate this brave new world where the blame game might need a new rulebook, and Nigel Armchair learns to adjust to life post-Tory blame-a-thon. One thing’s for sure: no matter who’s in power, there’s always plenty to be cross about.
