The latest government directive has labelled the act of having children as “Far Right.” The move comes as part of an aggressive new campaign to combat climate change and social inequality, with children now being portrayed as the ultimate villains in the fight for a greener, fairer world.

“It’s about time we faced the facts,” declared an anonymous spokesperson for the Ministry of Social Reengineering. “Having children is not only selfish but also deeply problematic. They consume resources, emit carbon, and frankly, take up space that could be better utilized by more deserving members of society.”

The directive, published in the government’s latest “Sustainable Society” white paper, outlines the numerous ways in which children are purportedly damaging to both the planet and social harmony. Among the key points are:

  1. Environmental Impact: Children have been identified as significant contributors to environmental degradation. From diapers to plastic toys, their carbon footprint is reportedly monstrous. “Every child born is a step backward in our fight against climate change,” the report solemnly states.
  2. Housing Crisis: The document argues that children exacerbate the housing crisis, occupying homes that could otherwise house immigrants in need. “For every nursery set up, that’s one less room for an immigrant family seeking refuge. It’s simple math,” the spokesperson explained.
  3. Job Market Strain: The influx of children entering the workforce in the future is seen as a potential threat to job opportunities for immigrants. The directive suggests that reducing the birth rate will help ensure that immigrants have better access to employment.
  4. University Places: With the ever-growing population of native students, competition for university places has intensified. The policy claims that fewer children will mean more educational opportunities for immigrants who deserve a chance at higher education.

Critics of the new policy are quick to point out its absurdity. “This is social engineering gone mad,” exclaimed a bewildered parent. “Labeling the act of having children as ‘Far Right’ is just a desperate attempt to control every aspect of our lives.”

However, supporters argue that the policy is a necessary step toward a more equitable and sustainable society. “If we are serious about tackling climate change and promoting social justice, we must be willing to make tough decisions,” insisted a representative from the newly-formed Ministry of Population Control.

As the debate rages on, one thing is certain: the simple joy of parenthood has now been thrust into the heart of a heated political battleground. Whether this radical new policy will gain traction or be consigned to the annals of absurdity remains to be seen. In the meantime, prospective parents may want to reconsider their plans, lest they be branded with the scarlet letter of the “Far Right.”