Previously Undiscovered Amazonian Tribesman Declares: “Keir Starmer’s Dad Was a Toolmaker”

A previously undiscovered tribesman has emerged with a declaration that has left political pundits and villagers alike astounded: “Keir Starmer’s dad was a toolmaker.”

The tribesman, who has had no contact with the outside world until now, stunned anthropologists and journalists alike with his uncanny knowledge of British political trivia. The village elder, known for his wisdom and knowledge of ancient tribal customs, confirmed the statement with a sage nod.

“We have heard tales of this toolmaker,” said the elder, gazing thoughtfully into the fire. “Word reached us even here, deep in the rainforest, of this little-known fact. It is said in whispers among the trees and the rivers.”

The anthropologists, initially skeptical, were left scratching their heads, wondering how such information could have penetrated one of the most isolated regions on the planet. Was it divine intervention? An ancient spirit? Or perhaps the undeniable reach of British political narratives?

“We were prepared to share our knowledge of medicinal plants and survival skills,” said the tribesman, “but it seems we too have much to learn from the outside world. Like the fascinating lineage of British politicians.”

Meanwhile, back in the UK, political commentators are baffled by the tribesman’s timely and bizarre declaration. “It’s as if even the most isolated corners of the earth cannot escape the gripping tale of Sir Keir’s humble origins,” said one bemused analyst.

Not to be outdone, the Labour Party quickly issued a statement: “We are thrilled that Keir’s roots are recognized globally. This is yet another testament to the universal appeal of Labour’s message.”

Critics, however, were quick to point out the absurdity of the situation. “Is this what it’s come to?” scoffed one commentator. “Even in the depths of the Amazon, the Labour Party’s obsession with Keir Starmer’s father’s profession knows no bounds.”

As the world tries to make sense of this surreal episode, one thing is clear: The story of Keir Starmer’s dad being a toolmaker has transcended borders, cultures, and even the deepest, most impenetrable jungles. It seems no place on Earth is too remote for the far-reaching influence of British political trivia.