It seems that former footballer and crisp enthusiast Gary Lineker has set his sights on a new market: selling cigars and crack to innocent children. With his experience in making potato chips seem like a well-balanced meal, Lineker is apparently ready to pivot to more… unconventional products.

“You know, I’ve conquered the world of snacks, so why not venture into new territories?” Lineker reportedly chuckled as he stashed his assortment of cigars and “crispy” substances into his now iconic crisp-adorned suit.

The move comes as a surprise to many who viewed Lineker as a wholesome sports personality. With his affable smile and comforting voice, he was trusted to tell us which crisps are best for our “balanced” diets. Now, it appears he’s taking his role model status to the next level by introducing the younger generation to some “alternative” life choices.

“It’s all about diversification,” Lineker was overheard saying. “I mean, if a bag of chips can become a meal, why can’t a cigar be a vitamin supplement?”

Observers are already speculating about Lineker’s potential new tagline: “Walkers’ Chips, Walkers’ Cigars, and now introducing Walkers’ Walk on the Wild Side Crack.” It’s a bold strategy, to say the least.

As the public processes this shocking career pivot, Lineker’s move from crisps to more dubious products serves as a humorous reminder of the power of celebrity endorsement and the absurdity that can arise when personalities venture into unexpected territories. But don’t worry, folks, the only thing Gary Lineker will be “cracking” is jokes… we hope.