Lefty students on university campuses across the nation have once again shown their unparalleled talent for finding offense in the most unexpected places. Despite their impressive track record of being offended by absolutely everything from kale smoothies to gender-neutral bathrooms, it seems they’ve overlooked a particularly noteworthy item: Hamas beheading children.

Yes, you heard it right. While these woke warriors are quick to brandish their sensitivity swords at the mere mention of microaggressions and culturally appropriated burritos, they appear to have missed the memo on condemning the egregious acts committed by terrorist organizations.

“It’s truly baffling,” says one observer. “They can spot a problematic Halloween costume from a mile away, but apparently, the brutal decapitation of innocent children doesn’t register on their offense radar.”

Reports suggest that these students, armed with their degrees in virtue signaling, are actively avoiding any conversation about the atrocities committed by groups like Hamas. Perhaps the subject matter is too triggering, or maybe they’re saving their energy for the real battles, like fighting against offensive mascots and the existential threat posed by mispronouncing someone’s pronouns.

In an ironic twist of fate, it seems the progressive playbook is missing a chapter on condemning actual acts of violence and terror. “It’s as if they’re more concerned about offending the sensibilities of oppressive regimes than they are about condemning the actual oppression,” says a political commentator with a raised eyebrow.

As the Lefty students continue to tiptoe around the uncomfortable topic of real-world atrocities, one can’t help but wonder: when will they finally exhaust their outrage quota on trivial matters and start redirecting their social justice passion toward issues that genuinely merit concern?

Stay tuned as these guardians of virtue navigate the treacherous waters of performative wokeness, leaving no offensive stone unturned—unless, of course, that stone happens to be labelled “Hamas.”