A petition to create the world’s largest Clean Air Zone exclusively for cyclists, vegans, and liberals has garnered an astonishing number of signatures from every British motorist.
The petition, titled “Breathe Easy Britain,” proposes confining these groups to an expansive area where the air is as pure as a diesel engine’s emissions report.
“We just want to give them the opportunity to fully experience the pristine air they advocate for,” chuckled a petition organizer, who was clearly enjoying the irony.
Supporters of the initiative argue that this Clean Air Zone would be the utopia these groups have been dreaming of—a place where kale smoothies are pumped directly into bike tires, and the only emissions are from passionate debates about the merits of avocado toast.
“I signed it without hesitation,” said a grinning van driver. “I can already feel my carbon footprint shrinking at the thought.”
Critics of the petition, however, suggest that it might be a tad impractical to squeeze all cyclists, vegans, and liberals into one vast area, considering the varying opinions on the proper ratio of quinoa to couscous.
“I’m all for a clean environment, but can we really trust them to compost properly?” pondered a skeptical motorist.
As the petition gains momentum, one thing is certain—the dream of a Clean Air Zone exclusively for cyclists, vegans, and liberals is floating through the air like a balloon filled with the collected sighs of every British motorist. Whether it’s a satirical jab or a serious proposition remains as clear as the exhaust fumes in a London rush hour.