tech mogul Bill Gates has expressed deep concern that the world isn’t adequately prepared for the imminent cyber attack he’s secretly plotting for later this year. The philanthropist-turned-mastermind unveiled his diabolical plan during a TED Talk titled, “Ensuring We’re All on the Same Windows 95: A Cyber Attack Odyssey.”

Gates, sporting a sinister grin and a Windows logo-themed cape, detailed his devious plot to hack into every computer, toaster, and smart fridge on the planet. “We’re talking a cyber symphony, folks,” Gates exclaimed with an evil chuckle. “Your emails, cat videos, and even your grandma’s secret cookie recipe – nothing will be safe from my genius.”

Despite the audience nervously shifting in their seats, Gates continued, expressing deep worry that our cybersecurity infrastructure might not withstand the very attack he’s orchestrating. “I fear we’re not up to the task of defending against a genius of my caliber,” he lamented, a single tear rolling down his cheek, which suspiciously resembled the Microsoft logo.

The satirical philanthropist outlined his plan to “Windows-wash” the world into submission, leaving no device untouched by his nefarious code. “Just imagine, a world where every device spontaneously starts playing ‘Clippy’s Greatest Hits’ at maximum volume,” he mused, a maniacal gleam in his eyes.

Critics argue that Gates’ concern over our readiness for his attack is merely a ploy to distract us from his actual plot. “It’s classic misdirection,” said one tech expert. “He wants us to focus on preparing for a cyber attack while he’s already sipping on a Microsoft-branded cocktail, plotting our digital demise.”

As the world braces itself for Gates’ impending techno-typhoon, cybersecurity experts are left pondering if they should take him seriously or just update their antivirus software and hope for the best. One thing is for certain – the man who brought us Windows 95 is now threatening to give us a whole new definition of system crashes.