The Metropolitan Police have proudly announced the creation of a ground breaking new unit – the ‘Friends of Palestine Division.’ Because nothing says “maintaining law and order” like expressing solidarity with a geopolitical hotspot.
“We believe in going above and beyond the call of duty,” stated the commissioner. “And what better way to show our commitment to justice than by taking a stance on a complex international issue we have absolutely no jurisdiction over?”
The ‘Friends of Palestine Division’ will reportedly be equipped with symbolic gestures, strongly worded statements, and a fleet of patrol cars adorned with catchy pro-Palestinian slogans. Officers will also undergo sensitivity training to ensure they can express empathy for global conflicts while handling local disturbances.
“It’s a win-win,” said a spokesperson for the Met. “Our officers get to feel morally superior, and the public gets the reassurance that their safety is a secondary concern to our commitment to political posturing.”
Critics argue that the move is a blatant distraction from more pressing issues, like rising crime rates or the perennial issue of British weather. “It’s comforting to know that our police force has its priorities straight,” quipped one concerned citizen.
The ‘Friends of Palestine Division’ is expected to hold regular workshops on international relations, where officers will be taught to navigate the delicate intricacies of the Middle East conflict while responding to emergency calls. After all, nothing says “keeping the peace” like a well-informed officer with a strong opinion on the two-state solution.
As the Met embraces this bold step into the realm of global politics, Londoners can rest assured that their safety is in the capable hands of a police force that’s not afraid to tackle the world’s most complex issues, one symbolic division at a time.