Local centrist dad, Gary Thompson, took it upon himself to broadcast his perfectly balanced and non-partisan opinion: actor Laurence Fox is, without a doubt, a racist. Friends and family gathered at the Thompson household were reportedly left in awe of Thompson’s ability to toe the line between left and right, all while making bold assertions about someone he probably only vaguely recognizes from a Netflix series.
Thompson, sipping his artisanal coffee with a determined look on his face, declared, “You see, I’m not like those extremists on either side. But let me tell you, Laurence Fox is absolutely one of those ‘problematic’ types. Trust me, I’ve read a couple of headlines and scrolled through Twitter for a good fifteen minutes.”
As he passionately recounted a tweet he barely remembered about Fox’s views, Thompson’s commitment to staying safely in the middle of the political road was both admirable and confusing.
“He just gives off that vibe, you know? I can’t quite put my finger on it, but he seems like the kind of guy who would own a monocle and insist on calling it ‘theatrical eyewear,'” Thompson added, ignoring the puzzled expressions of his audience.
In an ironic twist, Thompson then retreated to his sanctimonious corner, where he continued to champion his centrist ideals while loudly asserting that anyone who disagreed with him was clearly an extremist, proving once again that the path to political enlightenment is paved with inconsistent convictions and well-crafted coffee shop wisdom.