In a stunning victory for diversity and inclusion, a straight, white, middle-aged man who recently declared himself as transgender has finally clinched a long-awaited promotion after an astonishing 46 failed attempts. The triumph marks a historic moment in corporate equality efforts, showcasing the power of self-identification in navigating the perilous waters of workplace advancement.

“This is a win for everyone who has ever felt overlooked or marginalized,” declared the newly promoted individual, who prefers to be addressed by the pronouns “he/him” despite his outward appearance. “It just goes to show that anyone, regardless of their immutable characteristics, can succeed if they simply identify in the right way.”

The promotion comes after years of frustration and disappointment for the newly promoted individual, who endured rejection after rejection despite his undeniable qualifications and stellar performance reviews. However, upon adopting a new gender identity, doors that were once firmly shut suddenly swung open, ushering him into the upper echelons of corporate leadership.

Critics of the promotion argue that it sets a dangerous precedent, suggesting that self-identification should not supersede qualifications and merit. However, supporters counter that diversity and inclusion initiatives must prioritize subjective identity over objective criteria in order to achieve true equity.

“This is progress,” remarked a diversity consultant hired by the company. “We must celebrate the courage of individuals who boldly assert their chosen identities, even if it means overlooking their lack of intersectional oppression.”

As the newly promoted individual settles into his newfound role, he hopes to inspire others to embrace their authentic selves and break through the glass ceiling of traditional gender norms. And for those who continue to face obstacles on their path to success, he offers a simple piece of advice: just identify differently, and the world will open its doors to you.