In a move that has left fans of sun, surf, and slow-motion runs along the beach scratching their heads, television networks have announced plans to slap “white supremacy” trigger warnings on repeats of the classic show Baywatch.

The decision comes amid a flurry of similar moves by networks to protect viewers from the perceived dangers of nostalgia-induced microaggressions. “We simply can’t risk exposing our audience to the dangerous levels of whiteness emanating from those California beaches,” explained one network executive, speaking on condition of anonymity while sipping a pumpkin spice latte.

The trigger warnings, which will flash on screen before each episode, are said to caution viewers about the show’s “problematic lack of diversity” and its “overt glorification of the white, heterosexual, beach-dwelling lifestyle.” Critics argue that the move is a case of political correctness gone mad, while others see it as a necessary step toward a more inclusive television landscape.

“Baywatch may have been all about red swimsuits and slow-motion running, but beneath its glossy surface lurks a sinister undercurrent of white supremacy,” warned one activist, who admitted to having never actually watched the show.

Despite the controversy, some viewers are already hailing the move as a victory for social justice. “I used to love watching Baywatch, but now I realize how problematic it was,” said one former fan. “Thank goodness for trigger warnings, or I might have inadvertently enjoyed myself.”

As Baywatch repeats adorned with trigger warnings prepare to hit the airwaves, one thing is for certain: the days of mindlessly flipping through channels and stumbling upon David Hasselhoff rescuing hapless swimmers are officially over. Welcome to the brave new world of woke television, where even the sunniest of beachfront dramas can’t escape the long arm of social justice.