The BBC reports that declaring “I’m not racist!” is now officially classified as a racist statement. This startling development comes from a landmark tribunal that deemed the denial of racism as “a classic red flag.”
“It’s simple psychology,” said Dr. Anita Makeitup, the tribunal’s lead researcher and renowned armchair psychologist. “If you’re vehemently denying something, you’re probably guilty of it. It’s like when someone insists they’re not a robot; we all know they’re definitely a robot.”
The tribunal’s findings have sent shockwaves through social justice circles, where the phrase “I’m not racist, but…” has long been considered the gold standard in initiating woke discourse.
“We’ve been doing it wrong this whole time!” exclaimed one activist, hastily scribbling out a planned “I’m not racist, but…” tweet. “Now what am I supposed to lead with?”
In light of the new classification, a spokesperson for the BBC advised viewers to refrain from any declarations of racial innocence, suggesting instead a humble nod and a moment of self-reflection whenever the topic arises.
“Let’s face it,” said the spokesperson, “if you have to say you’re not racist, you’re probably beyond saving. Best to keep your thoughts to yourself and let the professionals handle it.”
As the nation grapples with this latest linguistic curveball, one thing is clear: the path to moral purity just got a whole lot trickier. So next time you’re tempted to proclaim your racial tolerance, maybe just stick to posting pictures of your vegan lunch instead.
