Universities that have spent years bashing white men are scratching their heads over the record low numbers of white male students on campus. The National Students’ Union (NSU) chief, clearly puzzled, wondered aloud, “Was it something we said?”

Universities across the country have been at the forefront of social justice movements, often targeting white men as the root of all evil. From mandatory privilege-checking workshops to courses on “The Problem with White Men 101,” these institutions have left no stone unturned in their quest to dismantle the perceived patriarchy.

Yet, despite these efforts, enrollment numbers for white male students have plummeted, leading to half-empty lecture halls and dwindling debate teams. The irony, it seems, is lost on those who championed these exclusionary policies.

“It’s a mystery, really,” said the NSU chief, visibly perplexed. “We’ve done everything we could to make white men feel unwelcome, and yet, they’re not flocking to our campuses. It’s almost as if they took our advice and decided to take their tuition money elsewhere.”

The NSU is now scrambling to understand the sudden lack of interest from white male students. Focus groups are being organized, surveys are being distributed, and emergency meetings are being held to address the issue. Some have even suggested creating a special task force to investigate what went wrong.

Meanwhile, critics are pointing out the glaringly obvious: when you demonize an entire group based on their race and gender, don’t be surprised when they choose to pursue their education in more welcoming environments.

As universities grapple with this self-inflicted enrolment crisis, one thing is clear: if you spend years telling a group of people that they’re not wanted, they might just take you at your word.