London Mayor Sadiq Khan has unveiled a state-of-the-art, £5 million monitoring unit specifically dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on actor and political maverick Laurence Fox’s Twitter account.
The newly formed “Fox Watch” unit, equipped with the latest in meme-detection technology and a team of highly trained emoji analysts, will be stationed around the clock to ensure that no tweet from Fox escapes scrutiny. According to a spokesperson for the Mayor, the initiative is a proactive measure to protect citizens from potentially offensive views, witty comebacks, and dangerously independent thinking.
“The Mayor is committed to creating a Twitter space that is safe, sanitized, and entirely devoid of any contrary opinions,” said the spokesperson, adjusting their tinfoil hat to ensure maximum protection from dissenting ideas. “We can’t have Mr. Fox roaming freely on the internet, challenging the status quo with his audacious quips and pesky common sense.”
The £5 million investment includes the acquisition of cutting-edge technology that can identify dog whistles, cat meows, and even the elusive fox barks hidden in Fox’s tweets. The unit’s mission is to intercept any tweet that might make someone think twice or, heaven forbid, question the prevailing narrative.
Fox, in response, tweeted a series of fox emojis accompanied by the hashtag #FoxFreedomFight, vowing to continue his digital antics regardless of the Mayor’s watchful eye.
As Londoners adjust to the brave new world of monitored tweets, one thing is for certain: Sadiq Khan’s “Fox Watch” will undoubtedly go down in history as the most expensive attempt to police a Twitter account since the creation of the blue bird itself.