President Joe Biden has decided to shake things up and prove that he’s just as exciting as his predecessor, Donald Trump. How, you ask? By refocusing his entire campaign around a brand new impeachment inquiry.
“Come on, man, I’m cool too!” Biden exclaimed to a bewildered press corps. “I saw how much attention Trump got with all his impeachments, and I thought, why not me? It’s like the hip thing to do in D.C., right?”
The announcement came as a surprise to many, given that Biden had previously positioned himself as a steady, unifying force in American politics. But in a bid to energize his base and capture the headlines, he’s taken a page out of the Trump playbook.
“I mean, look at the ratings. People were glued to their screens during those impeachment hearings,” Biden continued, scratching his head. “I want some of that action too. Kamala and I will be like the stars of our very own reality TV show. Impeachment: White House Edition!”
The White House has already begun drafting articles of impeachment, though the exact charges are still being workshopped. “We’re considering things like ‘inappropriate ice cream flavour choices’ and ‘overuse of aviator sunglasses,’ but we want to make sure they really resonate with the American people,” said a White House aide.
Political analysts are divided on whether this bold move will pay off for Biden. Some believe it could re-energize his base and garner the attention he seeks. Others, however, worry that it could further polarize the nation and undermine his image as a steady hand in tumultuous times.
In the end, only time will tell if Biden’s “Impeachment 2: Electric Boogaloo” will be a hit or a flop. But one thing’s for sure: the 2024 campaign season just got a whole lot more interesting.