Gary Glitter, known for his unique approach to conversations about anatomy with children, has landed a job as a school gender counsellor. Glitter, famous for his “outside-the-box” thinking, is thrilled to bring his unconventional wisdom to a new generation.

“I’ve always believed in fostering open dialogue with kids about the mysteries of life,” Glitter explained, adjusting his monocle. “Why not chat about the intricacies of their anatomy over a game of Pictionary?”

Parents and traditionalists may raise an eyebrow at Glitter’s avant-garde counselling techniques, which reportedly include impromptu puppet shows and interpretative dance routines to explain the nuances of gender identity.

“I’m just helping them embrace their inner selves,” Glitter insisted, surrounded by his collection of anatomically correct dolls and a whiteboard covered in colourful flowcharts of questionable educational value.

Despite the sceptics, the school administration applauds Glitter’s ingenuity. “Gary brings a fresh perspective to gender counselling,” said the principal, stifling a chuckle. “Who knew a puppet named ‘Professor Winkie’ could be so enlightening?”

Critics argue that Glitter’s insistence on children keeping these counselling sessions a secret from their parents raises ethical concerns. Glitter, however, sees it as an opportunity to create a safe space for uninhibited discussions.

“I’m just helping them build trust by keeping secrets,” Glitter explained, with an oddly mischievous glint in his eye.

As Gary Glitter embarks on his new role as the school’s gender counsellor, parents are left wondering if his unconventional methods will redefine the boundaries of educational discourse or if they’ll simply prompt a surge in home schooling applications. Only time will tell if Glitter’s unique approach to gender counselling becomes the talk of the playground or the cause for an emergency PTA meeting.