The new chairman of the BBC has declared that his top priority is to embark on a noble quest to discover more things that are undeniably racist. The announcement has left many wondering if the BBC is transforming into the Bureau of Bizarre Crusades.
Sir Reginald Pompington III, the freshly appointed chairman, addressed the media with an air of zealous determination. “In this era of enlightenment, our duty is to ferret out racism wherever it hides,” he proclaimed, possibly from atop a soapbox. “If it’s not immediately apparent, we’ll get creative in finding those elusive microaggressions.”
Critics argue that Sir Reginald’s mission may lead to the unveiling of previously innocuous items, like teabags or penguin-shaped chocolates, as covert symbols of systemic racism. “We’ve been living in ignorance all this time,” sighed one commentator, half-jokingly wondering if the quest for racism would extend to the colors of the rainbow.
BBC programs are expected to undergo a makeover to align with this newfound mission. “Expect historical documentaries with intense speculation about the racist leanings of ancient civilizations and wildlife shows that delve into the subconscious bias of squirrels,” teased Sir Reginald.
The public response has been a mix of confusion and anticipation. “I used to watch the BBC for news, but now I’m just waiting for them to expose the dark underbelly of inanimate objects,” mused a viewer.
As Sir Reginald marches forward on his quest, armed with magnifying glasses and a self-righteous demeanour, the nation braces itself for a cascade of revelations about the seemingly innocent and the mundanely benign – all in the name of unearthing the next big racist scandal.