A so-called “fake asylum seeker” has reportedly gone on a rampage, attacking innocent women and children. Unsurprisingly, the blame for this shocking incident has been placed squarely on the shoulders of former kickboxing world champion and internet personality, Andrew Tate, and his ostentatious videos about sports cars.

It seems that the alleged assailant, in a fit of delirium induced by watching too many videos of Tate flaunting his luxury vehicles and doling out self-help advice, decided that the best response was to unleash havoc on unsuspecting civilians.

Authorities are scratching their heads, trying to comprehend the twisted logic that led someone to connect car aficionado Tate with violent acts against women and children. “We’re in uncharted territory here,” commented a perplexed police officer. “Never before has someone’s love for horsepower been so recklessly linked to criminal behavior.”

Tate, known for his flamboyant lifestyle and penchant for showing off his sports cars on social media, seemed baffled by the accusations. “I thought people watched my videos for inspiration, not as a manual for mayhem,” he responded in a video posted from his garage, surrounded by an enviable collection of luxury vehicles.

Despite the lack of any coherent evidence linking Tate’s car-centric content to the assailant’s actions, some pundits are fervently pushing the narrative. One commentator exclaimed, “It’s crystal clear! If you watch a video of a guy talking about Lamborghinis, you’re practically asking for anarchy!”

As the world grapples with this bewildering correlation, one thing is certain: blaming someone’s criminal behaviour on the love of fast cars and charismatic self-help gurus is the kind of logic that could only be cooked up in the surreal kitchen of satire.