Feminists across the nation have reportedly taken a bold stance against equality itself as the government considers reinstating military conscription. The sudden about-face has led to raised eyebrows and perplexed expressions as feminists, once champions of equality, seem to be redefining their stance.

The government’s proposal to reintroduce conscription as a measure to ensure equal national service has been met with fierce opposition from some feminist groups who argue that “equal” does not mean the same thing for everyone.

“Sure, we’ve been fighting for equality for years, but we didn’t mean, like, the same responsibilities and stuff,” explained one activist, adorned with a “Equal, but Not That Equal” banner. “We were thinking more along the lines of equal pay for less work and maybe having a remote control for the patriarchy.”

The sudden pivot from championing equal rights to fervently opposing them has left many bewildered. Social media platforms are flooded with hashtags like #EqualButNotConscripted and #FeminismMinusEquality.

In an exclusive interview, a feminist leader argued, “Equality is a fluid concept. It’s all about having the freedom to choose which aspects of equality suit our narrative at any given moment. Conscription doesn’t align with our current script, so we’re revising.”

As the debate rages on, some wonder if this episode signals a new era of pick-and-choose equality, where certain aspects are embraced while others are swiftly rejected depending on the immediate agenda.

Meanwhile, the government is reportedly considering a “Conscription for All, or None” slogan, baffled by the notion that equality is a buffet-style offering where individuals can curate their preferred assortment. The saga continues as feminists navigate the labyrinth of their evolving definition of equality, leaving the rest of the world both amused and bemused.