Disney has decided to take the “inclusive” route by banning white dwarves from its iconic Snow White story. This move, dubbed as “progressive perfection” by some, is set to revolutionize the way we appreciate classic tales while ensuring that every single shade of dwarf gets their time in the limelight.

“We heard the calls for more diversity, and we listened,” said a Disney spokesperson, sporting a tinfoil hat adorned with rainbow-colored gems. “Gone are the days of white dwarves hogging the spotlight. We’re committed to providing an all-encompassing, intersectional dwarf experience.”

The ban has led to a total revamp of the story. Now, Snow White’s companions will consist of dwarves representing every color, ethnicity, and background imaginable. The “Dwarf Justice League,” as they’re now affectionately called, will also be accompanied by a squad of miniature emotional support animals to ensure that no one feels left out.

But this isn’t the only change. In a bid to up their wokeness game, the Seven Dwarves will now be known by their preferred pronouns, be it Heigh, Ho, or They. Additionally, they’ll spend their days hosting gender sensitivity workshops in their diamond mines and engaging in insightful discussions about the patriarchy and heteronormativity.

Critics argue that this move is merely virtue signaling dressed up as progress. “We don’t need our childhood stories hijacked by social justice activism,” said one commentator, attempting to fight through a crowd of protesting squirrels and singing birds. “Let’s just enjoy our fairy tales without the agenda, shall we?”

In the end, the ban on white dwarves proves that Disney is committed to rewriting history while preserving the timeless magic of our favourite stories. And who knows, with this new inclusive approach, we might even see a spin-off where Grumpy starts an artisanal kale smoothie business to promote wellness among fairy-tale creatures. Anything is possible in the brave new world of woke Disney magic!