The National Trust has officially declared Christmas as “right-wing.” The decision has sent ripples through festive households, with gingerbread men reportedly seeking refuge in safe spaces and nutcrackers questioning their political affiliations.
In a press release adorned with holly and ginger-scented candles, the National Trust boldly asserted, “After careful analysis of Santa’s travel patterns, the pro-capitalist agenda of elves in toy production, and the excessive use of red in festive decor, it is evident that Christmas is, without a doubt, leaning to the right.”
The revelation has led to speculation about the political leanings of other holiday traditions. Eggnog consumption is suspected to be a libertarian pastime, while candy canes are now considered a symbol of the silent conservative majority.
Conservative pundits have seized on the news, with one commentator declaring, “Finally, the left has to face the truth about Christmas – it’s been a covert right-wing celebration all along. The war on Christmas just got a new twist – it’s an inside job!”
However, not everyone is ready to hang their stockings on the right-wing mantelpiece. Liberal carolers are staging sit-ins at nativity scenes, demanding equal representation for progressive values. The debate over whether the three wise men were really wise or just part of the privileged elite is now front and center.
The National Trust’s move to politicize Christmas has left the holiday season in a state of Yuletide identity crisis. As families gather around the tree to exchange gifts and political ideologies, one thing is clear – this Christmas, you better watch out, you better not cry, and you better declare your political allegiance to the nearest ornament.