London Mayor Sadiq Khan has announced plans to install pollution sensors on every child in the city. No, this isn’t an Orwellian plot from a dystopian novel; it’s Sadiq Khan’s latest attempt to tackle London’s air quality issues.

Dubbed the “Kiddie Clean Air Crew,” this army of sensor-equipped minors will roam the streets, monitoring traffic fumes in real time to boost the effectiveness of the Ultra Low Emission Zone (ULEZ) network. Because who better to bear the burden of environmental responsibility than our youngest citizens?

“Children are the future, and now they can literally breathe new life into our city,” Khan proudly declared at the campaign launch. “With these mini air detectives on the case, we’ll have those polluting vehicles coughing up their emissions fees in no time!”

The sensors, conveniently designed as trendy wristbands, will not only detect harmful pollutants but also flash warning messages like “Hold Your Breath!” or “Time to Walk, Not Drive!” when pollution levels spike. It’s the perfect blend of fashion and functionality for the eco-conscious kiddo.

While some parents have expressed concerns about their children becoming walking pollution detectors, Khan assures the public that safety measures are in place. “Rest assured, these sensors are entirely safe and will be worn alongside their mandatory cycle helmets and reflective vests,” he added.

As the Kiddie Clean Air Crew prepares to hit the streets, reactions are mixed. While environmentalists applaud Khan’s innovative approach, skeptics wonder if this is just another attempt to distract from larger issues like rising crime rates and transportation woes.

Regardless of where you stand, one thing’s for sure: London’s children are about to become the most environmentally aware demographic in the world, one pollution sensor at a time.