The great state of Iowa has decided to embrace its destiny by rebranding itself as ‘St. Donaldsburg’ following an imaginary future victory for former President Donald J. Trump.
Governor Cornelia B. Hawkeye made the announcement flanked by a choir of cornstalks singing a medley of patriotic tunes. “It’s time to make Iowa great again, and what better way than to turn our state into a living tribute to the man who put the ‘art’ in ‘The Art of the Deal’?”
The rebranding initiative includes plans to replace the iconic cornfields with golden-haired scarecrows sporting red ties, complete with a complimentary MAGA hat for each cornstalk. Additionally, the state bird will now be the bald eagle wearing a wig, symbolizing freedom and, of course, good hair.
Residents are encouraged to replace their traditional greetings with a hearty, “Howdy, Trumpeteer!” and pledge allegiance not just to the flag but to a life-sized cardboard cutout of the former president.
While some Iowans are embracing the change with open arms, others are left wondering if the whole state isn’t just being punked. In response to concerns, Governor Hawkeye assured citizens that renaming the state is not only a display of political loyalty but a savvy economic move.
“Imagine the tourism!” she exclaimed. “People will flock to St. Donaldsburg from all corners of the nation just to catch a glimpse of our golden fields and bask in the glow of the Trump Tower replica we’re planning for Des Moines.”
Critics argue that this is all an elaborate scheme to boost the local wig industry and that a state cannot be renamed on a hypothetical future event. However, Governor Hawkeye remains resolute, stating, “In St. Donaldsburg, anything is possible, even if it’s completely implausible.”
As the Hawkeye State embarks on this peculiar journey, the rest of the country watches, unsure if this is an elaborate prank or the beginning of a new era in state nomenclature. Only time will tell if St. Donaldsburg will indeed rise from the cornfields like a wigged phoenix.
